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Please Be Pacific
Thursday, January 31, 2008 at 09:44PM Long ago when my mother was a young bride, she was flying from Louisiana to Alaska to be with my father, who was stationed there with the Air Force. At the tender age of seventeen Mom was not exactly a citizen of the world, but she wanted to appear sophisticated to her fellow travelers. At one point late in the journey she asked her seatmate, a middle-aged man, this question: "Pardon me but what is that large body of water?" He looked at her with a combination of disbelief and disdain. "Lady, that's the Pacific Ocean."
Well, you live and learn. Geography aside, I wish some people would work a little harder at learning the English language. The other day I heard a reporter on a prime-time news program state that something was undoubtably true. Uhm ... no. I believe he was going for undoubtedly ... at least I hope so. On another show a lady asked someone if they wanted some sherbert. People ... the word is sherbet. NOT like Ernie saying "Sure Bert!"
Prostate and prostrate pose difficulty for some. Humorist Dave Barry solves that problem with this clever jingle: "If one R can be found, it's down on the ground. If two R's are on hand, it's a gland." Thus, you won't find someone prostate on the floor or about to have prostrate surgery. At no time soon, anyway. How about the mysterious term rotator cuff ... I've heard it called lots of things but last week a deponent referred to it as her rotor cup. Is that anything like a buttercup? How about those who say momento when they mean memento ... folks, that souvenir is a MEMento and should be pronounced as such. And leave out the pimento. How about an easy way to know whether (NOT whether or not ... sheesh y'all ... or not is implied in whether) to use further or farther? Easy. If the distance can be measured, use farther ... just think, "how far?" If the distance cannot be measured, use further. Hence, "Nothing could be further from the truth." Last time I checked, the distance from the truth cannot be measured. Even by politicians or preachers. Did you know that everyday does NOT mean "each and every day" as it is so often used? Everyday means "ordinary." Period. So if you claim that you "make an excellent dinner everyday," what that means is that you are in the habit of making an excellent dinner ordinary. I guess if you do that every single day, you should be proud to say so. A good friend told me that her father had suffered from dizzy spells. She elaborated: "The doctor diagnosed him with ... oh, what did he call it ... oh yes! Vertebra!" Just like the Alfred Hitchcock movie starring James Stewart and Kim Novak. Look. A thing cannot be "very" unique. C'mon y'all ... it's either unique or it's not. Unique means "one of a kind." It's just like the concept of pregnant ... you either is or you ain't. How I wish I had a week with Johnny Depp for every time I've heard a deponent (and sometimes even their lawyer) use the word pacific when they meant something else. Johnny and I could grow old together on an island in the South Specific.
Reader Comments (3)
They call me the Grammar Person around here. I know the English language is complicates, but I am in constant awe at the number of ways that people find to misuse it. My pet peeve is "a whole nother" that is ubiquitous both on the airwaves and in everyday speech. It makes me want to scream.
P.S. Didya like that use of "everyday"?
Oops, complicated. I'm writing in the dark. Alice, you know!
Sue, I loved your wholly proper use of "everyday"! Magnificent. There are so many ways our beautiful language is abused, it's difficult to know where to start. I consider myself a one-woman crusader for the restoration of sanity and propriety to English usage but would you like to join me? We'll get stunning outfits!