The customer is always white? Give me a break.

One of my favorite places to go in Columbia is Frank's Car Wash (hereinafter "FCW").

Unfortunately I don't go very often because although I do love me a clean auto, car washes can be expensive and I'm not always in the mood to spend the dollars.

My car spends the preponderance of its time in the garage anyway, me being such a homebody.

The reason I like FCW so much is simple: they have a sign posted in the waiting areas that I love to read.

It goes thusly:

Rule Number One: The Customer Is Always Right.

Rule Number Two: When In Doubt, Refer To Rule Number One.

I mean, how sweet is that?

If you get home and look at your car and you don't like the way it looks and you go back over there and drive up and tell them, they ask no questions. They scribble something on your windshield with a grease pencil and you get a repeat service at no charge.

Also, they have a 24-hour rain or bird rule there.

Meaning, if within 24 hours of your original visit it rains on your clean wheels, or a bird mistakes said vehicle for a rest area on its travels through the sky, you can get your sedan sudsed again for free.

My only complaint about FCW involves the yummy new-car smell they spray under the seats at the conclusion of your automotive ablutions. They charge for it now, whereas it used to be complimentary.

Oh well. I'd better be careful here because I bet if I drove up as the customer and said, "I don't think I should have to pay a dollar extra for three spritzes of new-car smell," they might agree with me but I'd still pay.

So much for always being right.

Anyway, I have not been to FCW in a while but yesterday I was a guest of The World's Largest Retailer (hereinafter "TWLR").

Where the customer is barely tolerated. Forget being right.

If there is a sign posted regarding customers, I believe it is displayed in employees-only areas and it reads thusly:

Rule Number One: Separate These Jokers From Their Money With As Little Effort As Possible.

Rule Number Two: Keep Courtesy To A Bare Minimum Because We Don't Want To Run The Risk Of Them Getting Used To It. 

In other words, ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent of the smiley faces are on the rollback signs.

And trust me, I would love to get in and out with as little effort as possible but the place is so big you're practically assured an hour-long walking tour as you navigate hundreds of aisles attempting to locate your merchandise.

Then, to make up for it, you get a nice long rest while you wait in one of the three (out of forty possible) lines that are actually open and manned by a human being whose function it is to process orders.

I found a line that was sparsely populated yesterday but as it turned out, that barely mattered. 

The customers being checked out when I joined the queue were trying to buy some (live) fish floating in a clear plastic bag of water. Apparently this threw the cashier because I heard her say she'd never had that experience before.

?????

Next thing I knew, said cashier had disappeared. As in, she was no longer at her register. And it was several minutes before she returned, walking as slowly as someone approaching the business end of a guillotine.

It was another ten minutes before the fish were paid for and the customer in front of me was being rung up. She was buying only six or seven things but for some mysterious reason had opted out of using one of the "20 items or less" lines.

FINALLY it was my turn. I was wearing my Merry Christmas sweatshirt again and although my cashier greeted me courteously enough, she didn't mention it. I smiled and said hello, how are you today? As one does.

This energetic employee of TWLR had rung up three or four of my purchases when a tall lady materialized BEHIND her, brandishing a clipboard. Ignoring me and without preamble, she engaged "my" cashier in a discussion about said employee being due to take a break.

"You were supposed to take your break at three ten," the tall lady informed everyone within fifteen feet. (It was about three twenty-five at the time.)

The TWLR stuff-scanner stopped what she was doing, turned around to face the tall lady, and gestured with my can of hairspray. "What do you mean?" She scrinched up her face. "I just came off lunch at three oh six and you wanted me to take a break at three ten?"

A discussion ensued. My hairspray was still being used to punctuate the comments of the employee who had been expected to "work" four whole minutes between breaks, and had transgressed by "working" nineteen whole minutes before being hunted down by a supervisor and advised publicly of her error.

And that's about the time I had enough.

"Look, maybe y'all could discuss this after my order is rung up, because I have other places I need to be," I said. 

I didn't say it mean but I didn't blink either.

My cashier's head swiveled back around faster than money evaporates out of your wallet at TWLR. She fixed eyes steely as two freshly-sharpened augers on my two unblinking eyes and when she spoke, her tone was not exactly warm.

"Oh I do apologize sinCEREly but I didn't realize I had stopped," she said, throwing my can of hairspray into the sagging white mouth of a bag that had been waiting just like me.

Thunk.

"Well, how 'bout we watch it on instant replay," I suggested.

The rest of our transaction was carried out with, shall we say, a certain estrangement between us. I think if she could've gone on her break and left me standing there with the balance of my groceries and sundries chilling unscanned on the conveyor belt, she would have.

I'm not a racist and I double-dog dare you to call me one to my face but I bet you a box of Moon Pies that if this dedicated employee of TWLR entered a polling place on November 4, 2008, she voted for Obama.

But there I go profiling. Making just all sorts of assumptions.

I'll go you one better. I'll bet you a carton of RC Cola that to her, the white customer who calls her out on any subject is always treated as though they are dead wrong.

I wished her a Merry Christmas anyway. Reparations! But I was obliged to say it to her back because she was leaving for a break.

Comments

[Debbie]

There are "assumptions" and then there are highly educated "guesses"... I think in this case your educated guess was probably correct.

I've had some bad experiences in check out lines, I usually don't say anything, but that's just me, I hate conflict. I think you were correct to say something in this case.

Great pictures in spite of the topic, ha.

I've been cooking, baking, wrapping, ... tomorrow I hope to finish up my shopping and get things in the mail.

[Erica]

Ahhh! This made me want to scream!! I like the comparison of the grocery bag to your mouth being gaped open. That was funny.

[Sue the hobbit]

You are funny when you get your dander up.
I'll say it again: I do not shop at Walmart.
The end.

[Mari]

Aaaagh! I'm mad just reading this. I don't think you are racist either. I'm sorry to say that many who accuse others of being racist are actually quite racist themselves. I have to agree with your assessment of this situation.

[irene]

Wow! I can't believe you didn't storm out. So of our Walmarts are better than others. I tend to go to the same lady, we've actually become friendly. I'd love to lend you my Philomena but ... I really only shop at Walmart when I have no other choice. Love your golden balls.

[Donna (Texas)]

OhMyAchingA**!!!!!!!!
I was THERE with you Girl!!! OMWord!! Loved your comeback about the instant replay! There have bee a few instances with me, here, where I have been SUPER polite and gotten "daggered".....If THAT'S what Obama stands for...give me jimmy carter...Hahahaaaa.....reparations, HAHA...I think I need some freebies to....
hughugs

[JT]

My husband works for WalMart, and say what you will about WalMart, they are very family-oriented when it comes to their employees. Last year when I was hurt so badly in the car wreck, his boss gave him all the time he needed in a leave of absence so he could take care of me. There's a limit on the time -- and his boss extended it. And so many of his co-workers asked about me and prayed for me and when I went to the store with him the day we went to pick up my meds, WalMart employees came from the woodwork to hug me (carefully) and ask how I was doing.

Having said that -- the one thing WalMart does worse than anybody else in the universe is customer service. Hubby's store may be the exception -- the one here in town is staffed by a lot of people who don't rightly care if you find what you want, as long as you leave your money behind. My visit to WalMart never feels complete unless I've been snarled at by someone wearing a WalMart vest.

Some of my visits haven't included that experience, but not many.

I do wish I had your gift at thinking up snappy comebacks. If the "instant replay" thing had occurred to me at all, it would have been hours later. Good on ya.

[Jeffrey]

This is the first post I read on your blog (found you at the Top Non-Fiction blog winners), and I was enjoying the post until I reached the ending under the Christmas lights picture. Even though the employee's actions were not right, I was shocked to hear you make a snap judgment implying that large, impersonal store + disgruntled employee = Obama supporter + reverse discrimination/racism. It's really a stretch, if you ask me. Have you never been in a situation where someone upset you and you took it out on someone else? People have bad days/moments (including you, I'd imagine), and I think perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt, and not make dramatic leaps to absurd conclusions based on race/personal prejudice.

[Bob]

Trite:
The Christmas shopping season tale of trading a snappy comeback with a surly cashier.
Ironic:
The bible quote beside that post that reads in part, "endureth all things."