Tales from the sieve
OK so the rain has stopped here in Myrtle Beach but the skies are still gray and I haven't left the hotel since yesterday afternoon.
There was storming here last night of draconian proportions. If there was an actual tsunami, however, I slept through it. Or maybe it just didn't reach the ninth floor.
But I did not sleep until I had the following exchange with a man at the front desk. I'll relay it verbatim to the best of my memory but you'll have to supply my level of animation, and his.
That should be fun for you.
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ME: I know it's raining outside but I'm trying to watch CSI New York and every couple of minutes it's nothing but tiling and a message on the bottom of the screen that says the satellite can't be located.
HIM: You're the first one who's said anything.
ME: What do you mean? I'm the first one who's said anything about this? Or I'm the first person who's said anything to you today? Or are you under the mistaken impression that I'm the first person who's ever said anything, ever, at any time and in any place?
(Because, I was thinking, if that is the case I have a lot of catching up to do.)
HIM: I just came on as night manager and my engineers are gone.
ME: I understand that, but this is unacceptable. Gary Sinise and the Greek girl whose name I cannot pronounce, the one with the super curly hair, were just about to get an inkling of who their first suspect might be. Then the tiling started again and their jaws separated from the tops of their heads and I missed the most important dialog of the whole show.
HIM: Ma'am, like I said, you're the first person who's said anything.
ME: OK ... I get that but do you hear me? I am here in this luxury hotel room and the 36-inch LG plasma TV is all but worthless unless I want to watch football, baseball, golf, classic basketball, or hamster drag racing. Also I do believe the inspiration channel is clear as crystal but I've had all the inspiration I can handle for one day. Also, I didn't say anything a while ago when it was literally raining on my arm as I blogged in the business center. Does that mean it didn't happen? Does it, sir?
HIM: We are having a tropical storm.
ME: I know but if that's the reason I can't watch CSI New York, why is it that the sports channels are working? Can you just tell me that? I mean, if the satellite can't get the signal, it can't get the signal. Can the satellite think through which shows people aren't allowed to finish watching?
HIM: You're the first one who's said anything.
ME: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF I'M THE FIRST OR LAST OR ONLY PERSON TO EVER SAY ANYTHING? DOES THAT MAKE IT OKAY THAT I CANNOT FINISH WATCHING THE SHOW I STARTED WATCHING? DOES IT? DOES IT?
HIM: [unintelligible]
ME: Because if I'm the only one who's said anything, obviously there is something wrong with the TV set in this room. Please fix it.
HIM: My engineers are gone for the night. We are having a tropical storm.
ME: snick.
TG: Come to bed, sweetie.
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And that was the best offer I got all day but I still don't know how Gary Sinise and the Greek girl whose name I cannot pronounce, the one with the super curly hair, solved the crime.
I do know that trained monkeys could do a better job of running the night desk at the Sheraton Convention Center in Myrtle Beach than the folks who actually run it.
You may quote me. Then make sure the monkeys have mops.
Reader Comments (8)
I didn't know about this. You're the first one who said anything...
Ha! Thanks for the laugh!
Hahahahahaaa.....hamster drag racing.....Hahahahaaa......omg.......What a HOOT!!!!
And I have NO idea what happened on CSI.....sorry Girl!!Hahaaaaaa....omg.....
hughugs
Oh my goodness. I think it's a conspiracy, that is often the case when I've tried to watch something, only the sports channels work.
ROFL! Just go to bed, sweeite, and forget the TV and the front desk moron. And you get extra Sheraton points for being the 1st one EVER to mention anything about their crappy TV reception.
I hate obtuse hotel clerks. Or any clerks who behave as if it was none of their business.
You DID know that you can watch episodes online, right? It's my preferred way of watching these days.
It was great to see you at the convention. Sorry about the tropical storm. We really try to have everything be excellent when we plan it but we have yet to figure out how to put in an order for the weather to be just right. :) I also find it quite odd that they have so many sports channels.
I love reading your blog. Look - I left a comment for you. :)
You were probably the first to speak to him in eons. Here's hoping the weather improves and you can get some good beach vacay in!
Wow! You're a quote machine, Jenny!