The answer is NO

So you won't believe. Yesterday, for the second day in a row, I had to go to the dentist.

I have a wonderful dentist whom I trust implicitly. He had been insisting for a whole year that I needed to get a certain thing done, but I was loath to endure it both physically and financially.

On Monday at my routine thrice-yearly cleaning, it was decided amongst me, Doctor Dubya (my dentist) and Beth, an adorable and excellent hygienist who is also my dear little buddy, that the moment had come.

To bite the bullet, as it were.

A time was set for Tuesday morning at eight thirty. I was given a prescription for valium to take when I arrived at the office, to calm my nerves.

I am a complete sissy when it comes to dental work. 

During my appointment on Monday, Beth advised that I also opt to breathe a combination of oxygen and nitrous oxide throughout Tuesday's procedure.

"You'll love it," she promised.

And I must say I did love it. I have had sedation dentistry before -- that's where you don't remember anything -- but never nitrous. Another name for it is laughing gas.

I don't remember laughing but I remember feeling no anxiety -- or pain either, thanks to several injections of novocaine -- and I recall saying some funny things.

For example, I know that several times I mentioned wanting jelly doughnuts. I could just taste a lemon kind and a cherry kind.

The dental practice is situated within spitting distance of a Kroger supermarket and I assured Christina, the assistant who watched over me when Doctor Dubya was out of the room, that after they cut me loose I was going there to secure jelly doughnuts.

Christina, who is most affable, agreed that it sounded like a good plan.

And I did do that, and I got some glazed and some old-fashioned cake and some chocolate with sprinkles too. 

This is not, after all, a dress rehearsal. This is it y'all. Carpe the jelly doughnuts.

Doctor Dubya's procedure rooms feature window walls that look out onto trees and bushes and bird feeders. Naturally there is a constant flow of cute, colorful, and clever birds of many shapes and sizes, from dinky wrens to plump doves to poky pigeons.

When you're not spacing out on nitrous oxide and valium, your eyes stay open and you can watch the birds come and go, interacting on and around the feeders.

At one point through my nitrous fog I heard Doctor Dubya remark that a certain cardinal -- male, flame red -- habitually flies into the plate glass windows of the dental practice, practically knocking himself unconscious.

And he accomplishes this without benefit of pharmaceuticals.

Maybe he's in the market for veneers, I volunteered sleepily.

Doctor Dubya must not have heard me because he next opined that for his own good, the cardinal should weed himself out of the gene pool.

I wanted so much to laugh but I couldn't find the energy. I was that relaxed.

Next, Doctor Dubya told a story about going to a dentistry-type conference and hearing a colleague brag that he could make a patient's choppers "better than God designed them."

Doctor Dubya asserted that his dentist friend, while undeniably skilled, perhaps was suffering from a trifle more ego than was good for him.

But he stopped short of suggesting that his esteemed peer be culled from the gene pool.

I thought but didn't say, the doctor with a god complex may be exhibiting more hubris than the directionally challenged cardinal. Think about it.

Then I heard myself reveal, from the midpoint of a ten-mile tunnel: "It's so Hunter S. Thompson the way you are giving me such good ideas for writing."

Maybe I didn't say it out loud because neither Christina nor Doctor Dubya answered. They may however, have exchanged a lifted eyebrow over my head.

I'll never know for sure because I was studying the insides of my eyelids, which were paisley.

Then I had an epiphany and because it was important, I projected my voice as though I were onstage at Radio City Music Hall:

"The answer is NO. N-O!"

That got a reaction from Doctor Dubya. He chuckled and said: "You mean nitrous oxide?"

"Yes: NO," I agreed silently and meditatively.

The coolest thing is, once they nix the nitrous and deliver only solid oxygen through the nose mask, in no time at all you can see straight again and you're no longer obsessing about jelly doughnuts or contemplating your gonzo writing style.

And you can drive yourself home without colliding with a dumpster or a hamster or even a single red bird who has strayed from his flight path.

I went straight to Kroger and got those doughnuts. Then I went home and got my camera, and before the novocaine wore off, I took these horse pictures for you.

Because I promised.

The takeaway? Next time you visit the dentist, even if it's only for him/her to glance inside your mouth?

Just say NO. It's worth every penny.

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Happy Wednesday ~ Happy May

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Many thanks to the folks at Wescott Acres Luxury Pet Resort for allowing me to shoot their splendid animals.

Comments

[irene]

I don't have nearly as much fun when I go to the dentist. No NOVOCAINE even. Love your horses, especially the one with the tongue sticking out. Hope you feel well again.

[Donna (Texas)]

Fantastic photos Jenny!!! Love them all!
And I don't like dentist...but find they are a necessary evil.
Fun post girl!
hughugs

[Mari]

Great horse picture!
I really, really, really dislike going to the dentist. I think I need some NO too!

[Donna]

Methinks that you liked those drugs, LOL! Love the horsey photos. Such sweet animals. I had the laughing gas once and never again. Everything, including sound, was in slow motion.

[Audrey]

NO looks good on you! Splendid piece and these are some of your best pictures ever. They could win a major award. My favorite (although it's extremely hard to choose) is the one drinking (water of course) and the water is dripping out of his mouth. Cute!

[Skunkfeathers]

Only drug I've ever had at the dentist was novacaine. After reading this, I might reconsider ;-) Though, I suspect the cardinal keeps flying into their window because of that hat and all those robes, which do not appear to me aerodynamic...

[Sue the Hobbit]

I tried the gas one time and the mask made me claustrophobic, so I snatched it off my face. Had to endure the dubious edification of the novocaine instead. Clearly, I should have stuck it out.

[Sue the Hobbit]

Hey, I'm the only one allowed to abandon my blog for a week! Hope you're okay and just not blogging because you're having a stupendous amount of fun.

[Jennifer]

@Hobbit ... LOL no, I didn't not blog by choice. I've been sick. I hope to have something to say by Wednesday, even if all I can say is that I have nothing whatsoever to say. Thanks for your concern! I really appreciate it.