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Let's Try That In The Key Of Lime
Friday, June 13, 2008 at 11:44PM 
Okay, so the other day I was checking my emails when I received one from Barnes & Noble containing a passel of online and printable store coupons. I get these because I pay an annual fee for the privilege of being a B&N "member" ... which means I and my ilk am (are?) the reason prices are at least ten percent higher at Barnes & Noble than at bookstores that do not offer memberships! You may thank me in chocolate. Dark.
I was scrolling through the coupons when I saw one that caught my eye. Fifty percent off an entire Cheesecake Factory cheesecake at the Starbucks embedded in Barnes & Noble! (This is the place where a cup of coffee two-thirds full costs four dollars ... and a ginormous slice of cheesecake can be all yours for five dollars! If you ask them, they will even grill it!)
Like I need instructions on what to do with a Key Lime cheesecake! Fork please.
The coupon promised that for a limited time I could purchase a $35 cheesecake -- any flavor -- for $17.50. I wasn't good at math in school but I could tell right away that they were serious about that fifty-percent-off thing. My mouth began watering. "We're getting ourselves your dad one of those for Father's Day," I told Erica, who promptly drooled on me. Please send bibs. Pink.
So a soggy Erica and I bopped over to B&N on the way home from prayer meeting on Wednesday night, because we needed last-minute Father's Day cards and gifts. Like a noodle I had forgotten to bring my cheesecake coupon with me, so, anticipating a run on the fifty-percent-off cheesecakes, I went over to ask the Starbucks baristas if it would be necessary or advisable for me to reserve ours. I was assured they had plenty in stock so I breathed a sigh of relief and and began reviewing their choices of cheesecake flavors.
Of course there was Original flavor (analogous to vanilla), and one with a heavy coating of chocolate studded with nuts, but the moment I heard the words "Key Lime" I knew that was the one. Just breathing the words "Key Lime" I could almost feel the tropical breezes on my fevered cheek and imagine a psychotically handsome pirate prancing towards me across the sand. You will have to supply your own bridge from that visual to Father's Day. I've burned crossed mine already.
Erica pouted because she wanted the chocolate one but she quit before I could utter my famous mantra "She who pays is she who says." (And you have to say "says" not like "sez" but to rhyme with "pays" or it loses some of its effect.)
So it was that I sent Erica over to B&N today, armed with funds and my member card, to secure a Cheesecake Factory Key Lime cheesecake. I waited anxiously for her to return home so that I could gaze lovingly upon the Key Lime cheesecake before putting it in the spare fridge for Sunday dinner's dessert. After what seemed like a long time I heard the car in the garage and the kitchen door opened. I bounded upstairs to meet my TG's Key Lime cheesecake. The box was huge and I was amazed to learn that the Key Lime cheesecake came with instructions on how to "take care of" the cheesecake!
Like I need instructions on what to do with a Key Lime cheesecake! Fork please.
Only it wasn't a Key Lime cheesecake.
It was Original flavor. You know ... like vanilla. Like, not what we wanted. Not what Erica had ordered. Not what she had been required to write down on a special Starbucks cheesecake purchase order. Not what was printed on our receipt, that being "Whole Key Lime Cheesecak." **
NOT. KEY. LIME.
Now, I know anyone can make a mistake, but I ask you: exactly how difficult is it to read the side of a box when you are filling an order for a single Key Lime cheesecake? How can the word "Original" be taken, even if you only glancingly glance, for the words "Key Lime" ... ???
These are questions for the ages.
So Erica hied her soggy (and now aggravated) self back to B&N where she attempted to be patient and kind while pointing out the error and exchanging the Original flavor cheesecake for one in the Key of Lime. It occurs to me that, gas prices being what they are, with two trips to the store we've now paid $152 for a $35 cheesecake that was on sale for $17.50.
Now if you will excuse me ... the tiki torches are lit, the stars are out, and it is almost time for me to meet my pirate for celebrate Father's Day with a slice of mouthwatering twice-fetched Key Lime Cheesecake.
Reader Comments (14)
I would have been so devastated at the mistake that I would have sat on the floor and eaten that original (vanilla) cheesecake with my hands.
Funneeeeeeee. She who pez is she who sez.
That is seriously something to rant about. That better be a really good key lime cheesecake since it is twice-fetched. That pirate keeps turning up everywhere, seriously.
@ JD ... LOL that's actually not a bad idea and I wish'd I'd thought of it! All I could see was no Key Lime and I was obsessed with Key Lime! I want a pirate pez ...
@ Audrey ... yeah girl, the pretty pirate he be ubiquitous.
Oh, that sounds SOOO good. I was craving cheesecake yesterday. I'm on this new dietary regime. I have to get my cholesterol down by September or my doctor will put me on drugs, which I do not want to take. And yesterday was my "hungering for cheesecake" day and what do I find but THIS post? Key lime pie is one of my faves, so it was a double whammy. But that's ok. I'll suffer for the pleasure of reading your blog. LOL
Oh sorry Ruth! If it's any consolation, I am assiduously avoiding all sugary, fat-laden (read: delicious) foods too (although you'd never know it from this post)... but on Sunday I am going to enjoy that cheesecake with the man who would not be a father if it weren't for me ... LOL! And happily, two of our four kids can share in the cheesecake joy as well! The other two won't be here. I enjoy reading your blog too, immensely!
I've never been into cheesecake, but that doesn't mean I'm not incensed by the mistake that was so terribly inflicted upon you. I'm with JD. You gave it to me. I get to eat it. Now get me a napkin and make it snappy!
Kathy, it's funny you should say you're not into cheesecake because I'm trying to remember the last time I had a slice and no time frame is coming to mind! But Key Lime Cheesecake just sounded so good, I couldn't resist! I'll let you know if it was worth all the trouble. And rest assured if I'd taken the wrong flavor back to the store, some fur would have flown and I would have been compensated in some way for my trouble. Erica's problem is, she's too nice!
The last time I ate cheesecake was in a Cheesecake Factory in The Grove, in LA, during a holiday last year. It is imprinted in my memory so I can understand your anticipation and your pain :-)
Now we just have to persuade Cheesecake Factory to open up in the UK. We have Starbucks - the least they can do is sell these yummy cheesecakes too....
Keylime pie is actually my favorite pie after rhubarb, but I've never had keylime cheesecake. Sounds scrumptious. I'm baking a rhubarb pie today in fact from our first rhubarb crop.
@ Diane ... did you have the Key Lime flavor? Because we each had a slice last night and it was UNBELIEVABLY GOOD. Better even than I thought it would be. So good. I hope you have them in the UK soon too!
@ Windyridge ... you must try Key Lime cheesecake! You won't regret it! I'll bet your homemade pies are better than anything they're pushing at Starbucks, though! There's nothing like a homemade pie ... yum.
What a sorry way to run a business. In my dreams, were it an "independent" bookstore and a real bakery, such maddening nonsense would never occur.
Funny story, though. My mother always says, as optimists will, "at least it makes a funny story."
At least. If you're having a party--and I realize I'm new, but ask anyone, I'm a great neighbor--hold the cheesecake on mine for straight up key lime pie.
I only say that because I was told I was buying drinks over at Midnight Wanderers. There, too, if there's a party, whether I'm paying or someone else is: straight key lime pie, please.
Kathleen, I totally agree with you ... this cheesecake was extraordinary, but it was much more key lime than it was cheesecake, which seems to indicate you'd be just as well off having a slice of key lime pie and sparing yourself the extra calories involved in the cheesecake part. And you're right ... an independent bookstore and bakery are much more better! As for the party, key lime pie is a party in your mouth ...
Jenny, I just love, love, love Key Lime Cheesecake! So yummy!
I wish you'd been here to share a slice with me, Darla! It was so good.