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You can rich me true
Friday, July 22, 2011 at 02:44PM 
A particularly dingy dingbat found its way into my Yahoo! mail spam box.
For some reason this doesn't happen to me all that often, although other folks seem to be plagued with these sorts of unwelcome cyber-missives.
Hence, it is blogworthy, if not strictly original, for me to parse this one out for my eager audience.
At any rate it'll have to do on a day when the already-triple-digit temperature is shooting for 102 actual, 110 index, and I'm battling hot-weather-induced ennui on a grand scale.
The cicadas in the trees are playing their belly castanets at such a volume I can hear the dry fever-pitch clacking through the closed windows, even with the air conditioning set to snowball and the draperies pulled tight to add an extra layer of interior cool.
Time to lay low.
I don't know how I happened to see the email -- catchily and cleverly entitled HELLO MY DEAR -- as I do not often check my spam box.
But see it (and read it) I did:
Hello dear
My name is favour awad
I saw your profile at find a grave and it is very interesting i will like to have you as friend in friendship distance,age,colour does not matter but what matters is love without lies cheating you can rich me true my e_mail ID at favourawad at hotmail dot com for more introductions and exchange of pictures waiting to hear from you soonest
First I read favour award -- like, as if someone were awarding me with the blessing of their favor -- but then I noticed the glaring omission of an r.
Hmmmm.
I'm assuming the author is male. Just go with me on this.
Saw my profile at find a grave and it is very interesting? That's creepy. Unless you are a fellow taphophile and contributor, stay off my Find A Grave profile page, you ... you presumptuous weirdo.
Find A Grave is a site for the bereaved and the only thing of which you appear to be bereft (well, besides the ability to practice a modicum of Internet propriety) is the gift of punctuation.
He would like to have me as friend in friendship. That's handy because I never have gotten the hang of functioning as either a friend in enmity or an enemy in friendship.
But no thanks all the same.
Despite your earnest declaration that distance,age,colour does not matter but what matters is love without lies cheating, I must disagree.
Distance, age, color (forgive me but once again I am compelled to drop the fruity unnecessary u) -- and by that I am assuming you mean, since we live on different continents, are almost certainly decades apart in age, and I'm guessing are not of the same ethnic persuasion -- do not matter to you?
Okay. I will not argue. It's too hot to argue. But your almost-point is moot because another important thing does matter.
I am married.
And you don't even know me. Ergo there cannot be more introductions because there have been no introductions.
Nor will there be.
So I'd say it's a non-starter.
Next I am told you can rich me true my e_mail. Really? True your email? How taughtful.
Let me tink tat true and perhaps tich you someting in the process.
*tink tink tink*
Who am I kidding? I wasn't even close to taking him up on that offer.
I'm not tat bored.
Even so, the prospect of an exchange of pictures was mightily tempting.
Ehhhh, no. Upon tinking it true, I decided I'd better not.
But if I were to send him a photo of me, I do believe I'd send this one. At least then he'd know I'm photogenic.
And friendly.
~ Happy Friday ~
Reader Comments (17)
lmbo! ur stunning! hugssssssssssssss!
You do lead an exciting life. Keep cool. It's hotter than Haiti here too. That's why I'm being so ruthless with my magazines. I've run out of house, and MUST get clearing out.
Hahahaha...that's all I can say. You are funny.
Hahaha! I think that picture works just great for this purpose!
--chuckle- Good post... To expunge (does that word fit here?) such a weird-0 email. -grin-
As to a cake for 'Uncle A.'s" birthday.... He is on a bland diet of a week, and a very low fat diet and a daily free diet. For a week. So you can see, that a cake would be pretty useless, for this Birthday.
But he needs no more present, than continuing to get better!!!!! And at our age, just to be alive!!! :-))))))))))))
Lololol... I get this trash constantly! Sorry to be late but it's been a long day... LOVE the shot! Hey! I think there's this guy in Nigeria that would Love to be your penpal...Hahaaaa...
Night sugar...
Hughugs
@Angel ... yeah girl it was my cubist self-portrait.
@irene ... so hot here it doesn't bear thinking about. I can only hope our A/C unit lasts the summer, it's working so hard. Good luck with the magazine-hurling.
@Erica ... so you keep telling me.
@Mari ... I thought it appropriate as well! It would scare most people.
@Aunt Amelia ... the weirdos are everywhere on the intertubes, apparently. I know you'll make Uncle A's birthday special and you're right: it beats hanging around down at the funeral home, wearing a toe tag.
@Donna ... do you really get these all the time? I get funny ones that seem to be just a line of code, but not usually whole paragraphs that are so forthright. Tell the Nigerian I'll have to get back to him on that.
Hey, what's fruity about the "u" in colour? You and I are going to have some strong words one of these days soon!
@Hobbit ... strong words? Really? It's only my opinion. And my blog, where my opinions tend to show up with alarming frequency. Although I am a huge fan of English literature, I prefer the American way of spelling. Mercy. I hope you haven't bought that shotgun yet ...
Still in the ruminating stage. And they probably wouldn't let me tote it on the plane. Truthfully, after over 30 years in the US, I find myself reverting to American spelling once in a while and it galls me. Yes, it does.
Sory so I be. It never be hapenin again. Plez forgiv not my understanding less and we remane taughtful fiends always
@Hobbit ... tote it on what plane? I mean, I'm pretty sure nobody's going to let you tote any kind of weapon -- much less a shotgun -- on any plane. You're gonna have to stick to your own survivalist backyard bailiwick for that. HAHA, "reverting" to American spelling galls you. That's funny. You can take the girl out of New Zealand but you can't ... aw, you know. God Bless America.
@Tony ... baaaaaaaaahahahahaha! You're forgiven. Good to see you my friend. "taughtful fiends" LOLOLOLOLOL
I've got a blog friend who responds to all of these, by email and by phone. I told him one day one of these people will come and get him. I just delete any I get
@Debbie ... u mean Skunkfeddahs? Yeah, he gives 'em the what for. I leave all the answering to him. But again, he apparently gets way more of these than I do. And again, I didn't answer this one. I just blogged about him.
Ooooh Ooooh the end times are nigh
Didn't I already tell you I bought a ticket to come and see my baby girl at the end of October?
@Dave ... um, if you insist ...
@Hobbit ... oh. Yes, you told me that and I look forward to it. So let me be clear: You want to sneak a gun onto the plane so you can shoot me for not liking the fruity unnecessary u in words like favor and color? Please say it ain't so, sisterwoman!