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A little assistance over here
Monday, January 9, 2012 at 03:44PM 
Given the amount of time I spend in cemeteries, it was bound to happen.
TG and I were rambling around Magnolia Cemetery in Charleston last Friday, having a pretty good time.
All three crews of the thrice-doomed Hunley are buried there! We visited their graves.
The weather was a perfect sixty-seven degrees and it was sunny, with a light breeze.
Magnolia Cemetery is situated a stone's throw from The Citadel, downtown Charleston, Charleston Harbor, and the Ravenel Bridge.
Beside it is St. Lawrence Cemetery and across the street is Bethany Cemetery, both of which I'll have to give the fine-tooth-comb treatment another day.
Because we ran out of time.
As in, at five minutes past five last Friday, we found ourselves locked inside Magnolia Cemetery.
There is a nice sign by the gate that gives the hours and states that the gates close promptly at five.
Let me tell you: they're not just whistling Dixie.
TG was watching the clock as I roamed from one monument to the next, taking pictures, absorbed in a most splendid spot of graving.
"It's nearly five, baby," he said.
I went immediately to the car even though I did not understand the significance of five. The days are getting longer! There was still plenty of good light.
But I was getting hungry and I'd been promised dinner.
When we reached the gate a few minutes later, it was closed. A thick chain was looped through the bars, secured with a padlock practically the size of Javier.
Mmmmkay.
TG and I looked at one another.
"Drive around the perimeter," I said, "parallel with the road! Maybe there's another gate!"
There wasn't. There isn't.
"You'd think whoever locks up would first check to make sure there was nobody still here, having sort of lost track of time," I whined.
We ended up back at the main only path of egress onto Huguenin Avenue and the wider world.
Now let me pull over and park here for a mo.
As much as I love cemeteries -- and believe me, I do -- they look completely different when shadows lengthen and it's beginning to get a trifle dark around the edges.
Or when you've lost a diamond ring in one and you're all alone to look for it.
And especially when you're faced with the prospect of spending the night in one.
I don't want to spend the night in any cemetery on this earth until I'm a proper resident. Of the cemetery, that is.
TG had to figure this one out.
"What are we going to do?" I said.
"I'm calling nine one one," he said.
And he did.
While he talked to them I walked to the gate and looked through the bars. I checked again to make sure they were locked up tight.
I went back to the car. TG was off the phone.
"What did they say?" I said.
"She said it happens. They'll send someone," he said.
"To let us out, or to laugh at us?" I wondered.
I went back to the bars. Within ten seconds a white pickup approached from my left, slowed, and stopped.
That was right quick!
A man exited the vehicle and walked toward me, jangling some keys.
I grabbed the bars and made a funny face. "If I get my camera will you take a picture of me stuck in here?" I said. "My readers would ..."
Padlock-man ignored me. I guess he thought I was kidding. More's the pity. Maybe he'd been promised dinner, too.
"Where were you?" he asked. "I did a drive-around before locking the gate."
????
I half-turned and gestured vaguely behind me. Where exactly were we when he did the drive-around in which TG and I were apparently invisible?
Then I remembered a certain family plot TG had pointed out so, name-dropper that I am, I used it.
"Over by the Muckenfusses," I said. "I think."
But I thought: Over by the water where the White Ibis groom themselves in the trees, their long, curved red bills glinting in the afternoon sun. Over where the Spanish moss sighs and whispers ancient secrets all around you. Over by the reaching branches of the centuries-old Live Oak. That's where we were and I'm not sorry.
The nice key-keeper let us out. There is nothing like being liberated from the confines of a locked cemetery! But don't take my word. Try it sometime.
When you drive out of the gate at Magnolia Cemetery, if you go straight you cross over Huguenin and Bob's your uncle, you're on Cunnington Avenue. Just ahead, on your left, is Bethany Cemetery.
The gate was still open. "Turn in! Turn in!" I told TG. He obeyed.
I hoped Bethany was open until six.
Right away a horn bleated behind us. Not gently but urgently. It was the white pickup.
Turns out, Bethany Cemetery is open until six ... during the months of May, June, July, August, and September.
This time of year? Shut tight at five. Padlock guy just hadn't gotten around to securing it yet, having been busy springing TG and me from Magnolia.
We backed out having not even cleared the gate. It looked really nice in there too. Serene.
Ah well. So many cemeteries, so little time. God willing, I'll live to grave another day.
Happy Monday to you! Happy Week!
Reader Comments (15)
OH My! now I don't know if I would have thought to call 911, I must remember to charge my phone, I'm often at the cemetery past 5. I've been locked out of the restrooms for being too long, OH MY! it's all I still have to say. I can't believe how green everything still looks. You two are certainly adventurous. Sooooooooo how was dinner?
@irene ... *giggle* dinner was marvelous! Everything was seasoned with blessed freedom!!!
Oh my. you finally got locked in a cemetery. As you say it was bound to happen eventually.
I really like the picture above where you say "TG was watching the clock...'
@Debbie ... girl aren't the doors to that family mauzzie amazing? Some of the greatest art is in our cemeteries. Such workmanship. Thanks for stopping by!
Leave it to YOU to make an adventure out of it, LOL! Thank goodness TG had the good sense to dial 911. Smart man! Some of those tombstone took my breath away. Such tender beauty.
@Donna ... the tenderest beauty in all the world ... nineteenth-century tombstones and TG with his fingers poised to dial 9-1-1 and get me out of a scrape!
Hahahahaaaa.....GoodNESS!!!!
MUCKENFUSSES?????Hahahaaaa......omaa....Ahhhhwellll....You two!!
Well, you got some Super shots! 'Shoulda taken one of "Mr KeyPissed!!Hahaaa...
ohohoh...I 'gotta walk around...TOOO Funny....
Where we goin' next???
hughugs
PS- omaa means, which you probably already know...oh my aching a**!
Hahahaaaa.....gotta go tell Larry what y'all did!
hughugs
@Donna ... where we're going next is a cemetery that's open around the clock! Or if we visit a gated one, we'll plan to arrive well before noon.
It couldn't have happened to anyone better! I was really enjoying this post and when I got to that part, I laughed out loud! I must say that I'm glad you got out though!
I'm a bit upset about the cemetery though. I would love to have seen it - especially with the Hunley history. And a few years we were there - Charleton, the harbor, Ravenal bridge - and we missed it!
lmboooo only u hun!..what awesome pics again JEN!..glad ur out!:) hugsssssssssssss
@Mari ... girl you'll just have to come back (not in summer ... I don't do Charleston in summer) and I'll take you there. That would be so much fun!
@Angel ... girl ain't it the truth? If I'd had to spend the night within the gates I think I would be cured of cemeteries forever!
Wow!! What a graving experience this was. All of the monuments are beautiful and I especially like the bassinet with the picture of the baby in there. How very unusual! As to getting "Locked Up', thank goodness for cell phones, but for those adventurous folks who don't take their cellie with them, maybe they should install one of those "roadside assistance" phones on the inside of the gate. Just saying!! More Happy Trails to you and TG!!
@Glenda ... there was more of grave than of gravy about it, that's for sure. And I never thought about what it would have been like without a cellie! I would've had to flag down a passing motorist ... just someone wandering down that lonely road between three cemeteries near nightfall!
Lol, TOO FUNNY! And I bet when it does get darker it is a whole different experience!! LOVED all the pictures!!! Glad you made it out!