Scene And Herd

Saturday afternoon, Christmas gift cards and money smoldering in our wallets, my man and I reluctantly spent two hours or so at our local mall. Don't get me wrong ... Columbiana Centre is a nice mall. I just don't want to spend any time there. See, I like to shop but I despise malls. While I am certain there are malls in existence that I would enjoy visiting, I am equally certain that none of them are within driving distance of my house, or indeed even in the state where I live.

The most innovative and upbeat of malls lose their romance for me in short order because I quickly begin to feel claustrophobic when I cannot readily see out of a window. Most people flock to malls when it's raining outside (the conventional wisdom being that there is little else to do), but I consider watching rain fall a very fine and fascinating activity. It was raining on Saturday and if it hadn't been for those gift cards, I would have opted for a trip to Barnes & Noble where I could acquire a Starbucks grande latte and ensconce myself in a chair near a window, a good book my sole companion.

I dislike malls because, for ten months before my wedding, I worked in a mall. At the time I lived with a girlfriend and we had one car between us (hers). Since the two of us were employed by different stores within the mall, we were each at the mercy of the other's schedule. If she worked the ten-to-six shift selling shoes at one ubiquitous retail outlet and I worked the one-to-nine shift selling coats at another, I had to go three hours early and she had to stay three hours late ... unless she wanted to come back and get me.

Luckily for her, usually when she got off at six and I worked until nine, my gentleman caller picked me up from work and deposited me at home after feeding me at the local Pizza Hut. During that time The Gregory and I became engaged, so the scenario generally involved him collecting me from the mall so that we could become ever more besotted while making decidedly un-elaborate plans for our future.

That winter, the winter The Gregory and I became betrothed, was an exceedingly bitter season in Northwest Indiana where we lived. For forty days in a row the temperature struggled to attain the freezing mark. Many days were snowy and there was always a relentless, stinging wind. The threat of icy roads was a constant concern. Often The Gregory's car door locks were frozen and inoperable. He'd manage to get the driver's side door open but by the time he arrived at the mall to get me, it would be frozen again. Many times it was necessary for me to climb through the window of his Toyota Celica if I were going to get a ride home. I'll thank you not to snicker at that visual! Yes, it was nice and warm in the mall where I worked, but no, I still didn't enjoy being cooped up in there. When I quit my job and married, I made myself a promise I'd never work in a mall again, and I haven't. And I won't. When I drive by a mall my main thought is that I'm glad I'm free to keep on driving.

Ever notice that when you go into a store without much money you can guiltlessly spend, you want everything you see ... but when you go laden with gift cards and Christmas or birthday money, you're hard pressed to find a single thing you can't live without? Why is that? I don't know but that's what happened to me on Saturday. (Naturally I saw plenty of things I wanted that cost anywhere from ten to one hundred times the amount I had to spend, but that's to be expected.) What was worse, The Gregory was having the same trouble and he had to get rid of almost as much Christmas money as I did! I must point out here that while he was of no help to me in making my selections, I had to paw through quantities of pre-pawed sweaters, shirts, slippers, gloves, and assorted other male furnishings to assist him in picking something out.

It might have been because I was spending somebody else's money, but considering my distaste for the whole scene, I had a pretty good time at the mall. I met six lovely ladies, all of whom were working in different stores, and each one of them was so very nice to me. In their own way they helped me revert my gift cards from hard shiny currency to worthless pieces of plastic, and I am very pleased with the result of their (and my) diligence. The Gregory found some things he seems to be happy with, too.

One positive experience notwithstanding, the mall still isn't the scene for me and I doubt it ever will be. At one point I was walking, the way you're obliged to do in a mall, with hundreds of other people going the same direction. It began to feel as though we were all in the vice-grip of some insidious and invisible undercurrent. Suddenly I so badly wanted to say, real loud: "MOOOOOOOOO ..." because the whole scene evoked livestock in a pasture. Like I was being herded and there was no need to think about what would happen next.

Isn't it cows that always believe the grass is greener on the other side? I frequently see the stores I would like to go into on the opposite side of the pathway than I am being hustled along by my fellow shoppers. I'd have to somehow break free of the crowd and do a u-turn in order to investigate those stores, but a paralyzing apathy always precludes such a bold move. By default I become a creature of inertia in a mall, and I loathe the feeling it produces.

So, five seconds after I had spent my last Christmas penny and our gift cards had joined the other worthless dreck populating the department store trashcans, The Gregory shepherded me toward the doors and outside. It was still raining and there was the threat of snow (which threat was never made good upon). Like the old married folks we are, instead of climbing through our car windows we sedately unlocked the vehicle and carefully stepped aboard. We didn't stop at Pizza Hut but we did go to the grocery and buy the ingredients for homemade pizza, which we enjoyed while sitting by the fire watching the Duke-Clemson basketball game. It was a warm and comfortable evening and if you're saying it sounds a little bit boring, well, I herd that ... but you're wrong. It was a lovely scene.

Comments

[Andrew Weber]

I just couldn't help but shed a few tears while reading that. I guess it's just because I miss ya'll but at the same time I am happy that us wild ones are finally out of your hair so you ya'll can enjoy life together. I am so glad that ya'll had a good day and I hope you have many more to come. I Love you both.

Love,
Andy
Gal.2:20

[Deppfest]

It's spooky how alike we are Jenny! I too detest shopping malls. I suffer a little from claustrophobia and within half an hour I have a headache from the severe lighting. I am one of the few people who actually enjoys shopping on Oxford Street in London. I love the long, winding, turmoil of a street with classy shops right next to outlets selling little more than tatt, but most of all I love walking out into the fresh air (traffic fumes apart) and the joy of getting a window seat at the Starbucks in Borders and just watching the world go by for half an hour. Favourite days, even if I spend nothing at all.

BTW did you know that only half of all gift cards are actually used by the person given them? Stores love selling them because so few are actually redeemed and they make a killing for nothing!

[Jennifer]

Carmel, when I visit England we'll have to do that Oxford Street shopping thing together! I stand ready to inhale as many London fumes as necessary to get the full experience! And we must go to Harrod's just so I can say I've been! And no, I didn't know that about gift cards not getting spent! I can't imagine that! As much as I hate the mall, gift cards are fun to spend!

Andrew, thanks for reading, sweetheart. We miss you too.