Eat up, Henry

Henry and me in an unretouched photo, last Saturday

Henry turned ninety-two on Sunday.

If you're new here and/or don't already know, Henry was married to my late mother for thirty-seven years.

Mom passed away in 2020.

Henry lives in Greenville, less than a two-hour drive from us, in the house he shared with my mother.

For someone of his age, it's remarkable that he keeps the big house clean and also does a great deal of the yard work.

(He has said that although he misses my mother, he enjoys living alone. That doesn't explain why he has been ready to propose to half a dozen ladies in the last four years, but we'll take him at his word.)

Since Mom passed away, my sister Kay and I have done what we can to help with his meals. Certain close friends have been thoughtful of Henry in that way too.

Three small banana breads rather than one big loaf

For example, every Sunday after church, Henry eats lunch with Kay and her husband and whomever else happens to be there.

Whenever I visit, I bring food to have that day, with Henry and my sister and her husband and whomever else joins us -- yes I always make plenty -- and to put leftovers away for the next day or two.

I never, ever go empty-handed.

(Audrey calls me Meals on Wheels, an inside joke originating from our both being fans of Twin Peaks. IYKYK.)

As well, both the eldest and the youngest of Henry's four daughters, who live in distant states, have visited several times and made meals ahead for him, leaving them in the freezer.

This is even though Henry tends to complain about cooking smells, even as his meals are being cooked.

(How one can apply heat to food in order to cook it, without there being cooking smells, is beyond all of us.)

Our darling Dagny

At the same time, he has expressed that he enjoys home-cooked meals so much more than whatever convenience and/or processed foods he subsists on in their absence.

Well duh.

So, since TG and I had given Henry two nice shirts for Father's Day in June, and he truly is a man who has everything, I decided that for his birthday, I would prepare several lunches and take them to him as a gift.

(Henry rises early and has his breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, then eats his main meal at noonday. In the evening he eats a bowl of cereal with half a banana.)

(My mother used to say that she would buy the smallest bananas she could find at the store, hoping that just once Henry would slice the whole thing into his cereal.)

(But no! she'd continue. Even if she found a banana that was three inches long, Henry would cut it in half and leave the uneaten portion on the counter to use in his cereal the next evening.)

We met this past Saturday at noon, at the Cracker Barrel in Simpsonville, about an hour away for us and a forty-minute drive for Henry.

Lovingly prepared sirloin steak in pan sauce

(Yes he still drives; the SCDMV recently renewed his license for eight more years. If you're in the Greenville area, look out because Henry has a lead foot and lives/loves to drive.)

Mike and Audrey and Dagny joined us, and we had a nice lunch and chatted for about an hour.

Henry was due back in Greenville by three o'clock for celebratory cake and coffee at my sister's, so after lunch we walked out to the parking lot and I gave him his vittles.

TG had set up the big cooler with ice in the back of our car and I had a nice large box from Costco, for Henry to transport his delicacies.

I'd made chili earlier in the week, and set aside a generous container of that for him. I'd fixed him a small meatloaf, three barbecued chicken tenders, and a sirloin steak with a delicious pan sauce.

Sides were corn muffin tops (wonderful with chili), mashed potatoes, squash casserole, and sweet corn.

For desserts and/or noshing I made him three mini-loaves of banana nut bread. Audrey had also brought him a treat: homemade oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies.

We got the food transferred from the cooler to the box and into the trunk of Henry's car, and off he went to put everything away at home.

Dagny and her great-grandpa Henry

Later that night he called me. He sounded near tears. Unhappy and overwhelmed.

The issue was that I had given him too much. It's enough for twenty meals! he exclaimed, his voice querulous.

(Which was untrue; I had not given him enough for twenty meals. Not even close.)

I told Henry as much, and gently reminded him that what I had done was cook for hours on a sweltering day when I would have just as soon not turned the oven on, so that he would have a number of freshly made home-cooked meals to put in his freezer.

And that, with all due respect, what might be in order is an attitude of gratitude.

But he wondered, in a worried tone, how long the meals could possibly last in the freezer.

I told him what I'm pretty sure he already knew: that in theory they would last indefinitely, but he would likely have consumed all of the food within a few weeks, even if he ate from them every other day.

I think the real issue was, he was balking at the task of dividing the meals into separate containers and placing them in the freezer.

Squash and zucchini casserole, from scratch

All of which would have taken perhaps fifteen minutes.

You can lead a horse to water ...

(The reason I didn't perform that service for him is that, one, I didn't want to give him all of my storage containers, and two, I didn't know how much he would want of any given thing in a single meal.)

Life is about choices.

At any rate, I guess if I were to repeat this performance, I would buy sectioned single-meal containers and dole out the helpings so that he has only to put one dish per meal in the freezer, and bring one dish out at a time to defrost and microwave.

The only thing is, to quote the cute pirate: I won't be making that mistake again. Next time he's getting a ten-dollar gift card to Chick-fil-A.

(This pirate may be short on disposable storage containers but she is long on memory.)

Soon enough, however, I imagine that Henry will have the ability to see what can be, unburdened by what has been.

Our Mike, with Audrey. Mike says he's always smiling on the inside.

He'll eat the dishes I prepared especially for him, and enjoy them, and that will be the end of it.

Oh dear. Have you been in a situation where you felt that no good deed went unpunished?

Tell me about it.

Meanwhile, today is Mke's birthday. I have to go and get ready for his party. I'll tell you about it later in the week.

And that is all for now.

=0=0=0=

Happy Tuesday

Comments

[Dianna]

Hello Sweet Pirate...first of all, I love the picture of you and Henry! He does not look like he is 92! And you are beautiful! Reading this post brought back so many memories of my in-laws. My father-in-law lived for nine years after my mother-in-law passed away. He didn't want to be a burden to anyone but was legally blind due to macular degeneration. We got him Meals on Wheels...or maybe I should say Meal on Wheels because that's how long that lasted. lol But we would visit him three times a week always...sometimes more if need be. I would always take food for him and on Saturdays I always cooked up a good bit of food so he would have leftovers. I now miss two things...one, I miss him still and two, I miss being able to do that cooking for him. Let's just say he had already learned the attitude of gratitude which made doing for him a joy. Looking forward to hearing about Mike's birthday celebration!

[Mari]

He's such a Henry! :) I know he'll appreciate it when he eats those lovingly prepared meals.
That's a really nice photo of you two.
Reading the part about his driving reminds me of a Rubyism from last week. The girls were in the car with me and we pulled up to a light on a 2 lane road. I moved over and said something about not wanting to be behind a truck. Alaina pipes up and says - "Grandma will go fast! Put the pedal to the metal Grandma!"
Rubys response? "That just shows that not all old people drive slow". What? I reminded her that I was not old...
Happy Birthday to Mike!

[Ginny Hartzler]

He looks so much younger than 92! It does seem, however, that he has lost quite a bit of his tactfulness. I have given quite a few things to my family, when we really could hardly afford them, and not gotten a single thank you. That sirloin looks so delicious that I would be on my knees thanking you!! Not to mention all the other things you made! So, Chick-Fil-A it will be!!

[Brenda]

92 and driving..imagine…probably anyone that age would be overwhelmed. Individual containers great idea.

[Jennifer]

@Dianna ... What a nice story about your father-in-law, who I'm glad to know was grateful for all that you did for him. I think that deep down Henry is too, but he lets his lesser instincts get the better of him sometimes. I'm glad I made him the food but honestly that was a lot of work (not to mention expense) to get a complaint in return, hahahaha! I just scratch my head sometimes. It's a good thing that there is deep affection between Henry and me, and I will truly miss him when the inevitable day comes that he is gone. Unless I go first. Let's not think about THAT, hahahaha! Thank you for your kind words, my friend. Hope you're having a good week. xoxo

@Mari ... YES! He's a Henry! That just about sums it up ... that and, he's a DUTCHMAN whose favorite saying is, If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much! Hahahaha!!!! Ahhhh that little pirate Ruby. DO not refer to thy grandma as old, grasshopper! Way to go Alaina! Encourage grandma to put the pedal to the metal. My kind of kid. Mike had a good time on his birthday and I'll share about that in a few days! xoxo

@Ginny ... isn't that disappointing? I was telling my girls again tonight that it is impossible to overestimate the importance of teaching your children to write prompt, sincere thank-you notes. Yes it's good to say it, but it's not really done correctly (in many if not most cases) until it's put into writing. TG and I went to two weddings in the summer of 2022, of two of our nephew's children. In each instance we traveled, stayed in hotels, and bought nice gifts. And received not one single line in a note, to say thank you for anything we did. And not one word in person either, to thank us for coming, or to thank us for our gift. That is simply poor training in the home. As our Andrew would say: period dot. Wish I could send you a sirloin! Hahhaaa I would gladly do it. xoxo

@Brenda ... I agree but he's not! In fact, he told my sister Kay recently that he is "addicted to speeding" ... whaaaaat? I just hope he doesn't get into an accident and hurt someone. That would break his heart as well as affect the lives of others in a potentially tragic way. Just not worth it! As TG says, the reflexes simply cannot be as sharp at 92 as they are in someone younger. I mean probably in a few isolated cases they are, but it would be rare. I actually do wish I had bought some of these clever three-sectioned containers with very tight lids that I got on Amazon several years ago and used all up and did not replenish. They were ideal when the kids all came for holidays and wanted to take home a bit of this and a bit of that for later. If I'd had those on hand, they would have been just the thing for Henry. But I blew it, hahahaha! xoxo

[Skunk (aka Mike Bay)]

Happy Birthday Henry!

[Plain Jane]

Henry looks amazing for being 92.
My other mother made it to 95, she seemed to be a bit more child like as she got older. Maybe Henry didn't mean to be ungrateful, he may have just been a bit tired & not sure where to start.

[AC]

Good for you for doing what you do for Henry. He seems like a character.

I have given up on bananas. I don't love them but used to have them on hand for nutritional purposes. But they frustrated me, either not ripe enough or too ripe. They seemed to be only properly ripe for about 12 minutes. 😊

[Carla TePaske]

Hello, I hope I am still driving at 92!! I will watch for the fella that has the need for speed if I am in the area. ;-)
You are a sweet pirate... don't be too hard on yourself.
Love, Carla

[Jennifer]

@Mike ... thanks and I will pass it along! Amazing to reach such an age and still be going pretty strong! xoxo

@Jane ... I'm sure you're right. I got it wrong. Live and learn, hahaha! xoxo

@AC ... Isn't that the truth? Twelve minutes tops! I buy them because TG "loves" them and then when the brown speckles come I say I thought you loved bananas and he says I do, and that's the end of the conversation. So I peel, halve, and freeze them, and use them in my banana bread, hahaha! Our Mike tells me that every single day for lunch (he mostly works from home), he eats an open-face, single-slice sandwich of peanut butter with banana on top. I have been in his house a few times and have never seen a banana, hahaha! He must buy one or two at a time and uses the whole thing. xoxo

@Carla ... I don't care if I'm not driving at 92 but I hope I'm around and doing as well as Henry! He is a spry old feller. xoxo

[debbi]

Great picture of you and Henry! I know exactly how you felt.......when I go to the time, trouble, maybe $$$ to prepare something for someone, I do put my heart and my best effort into it. To not be thanked hurts. SAME WITH WEDDING and birthday gifts!!! Young people are very very different these days. I taught our kids to SEND THANK YOU NOTES for all presents received and ESPECIALLY big deals like graduations and weddings. Now you're lucky to get even a email or TEXT......HA HA LOL. If that. LOL. Anyway, all the food you prepared LOOKED AMAZING, like always. I'm sure he loves it and appreciates it............just maybe said the first thing that popped out of his mouth, and it wasnt what you hoped to hear, definetly. How is the wedding planning coming along? Did you say she found HER DRESS???!!! I'm so excited to hear about the plans. Keep us posted.

[Jennifer]

@Debbi ... We've all been there but of course Henry said thank you when we gave him the food. It was only later that he called to complain, hahaha! He is a sweetheart but like most of us has some eccentricities. Bygones. YES she said yes to the dress and it's spectacular, and the plans move on apace! And finally we have some sunshine in South Carolina! Hope you and MFP are doing well. xoxo

[Judee]

Henry is a lucky man that so many people still think of him ! I used to cook once a week for my 96 year old mother- in- law and she would often get overwhelmed when I brought " too much"! I wasn't sure if her complaining was embarrassment of not wanting to look needy and wanted to pretend she didn't need it or if she truly was just overwhelmed. She too drove until age 93 and was very independent.Who knows what will overwhelm us in our 90's. However, I do like your pragmatic attitude. I was a wimp and just complained to my husband and never said anything to her. But I've never been good at setting boundaries. Nice Pics of you and Henry..

[Jennifer]

@Judee ... interesting! You bring up a good point. It did occur to me that maybe Henry felt a tad bit embarrassed but I dismissed it because it doesn't fit his personality profile, hahaha! He may have been overwhelmed and yes he is 92 but I guess I just want to say suck it up, buttercup! Take a step back and a deep breath, then set about methodically doling out the portions until they're in the freezer. It would have taken all of fifteen minutes, hahaha! But my mother used to say "Henry does old woman better than any old man I know" or words to that effect! I should have told him to just throw it all away, hahahaha! And be done with the burden of it. But of course I would never say that and he would never do it. I hope he is enjoying everything and I hope you are having a fantastic summer! I'm sorry I haven't been by to see you for a while. I promise to return and catch up. xoxo

[Donna]

Lol...You Go Girl! Down with fussy men!! Arrrrhhhhh!!
I think the older they get, the younger their brains get! I'm so sorry he had that kind of reaction...you worked SO hard! Been there, done that!!
Isn't our Dagny gorgeous?? Oh my goodness...Audrey will be beating the boys off with a stick! lol
And Happy Birthday to Mike!
Squash & Zucchini casserole!! My favorite! Recipe please!
Love you
Donna

[Jennifer]

@Donna ... oh my friend I'm sorry it took me so long to see your comment! I have been AWOL! Anyway the squash casserole was linked in the post, I think! Let me check to be sure! Yes our Dagny is becoming quite the grown-up little beauty! I hate to see what Audrey will go through when the dating years arrive, hahaha! It should be interesting. Yes I worked hard but Henry did appreciate it! xoxo

[Barb]

When Bob's Dad was in his 90's and Bob would cauton him about reflexes diminishing, he would answer,"My reflections are perfectly good." Henry looks quite a bit younger than 92. And since he is a Dutchman, I'm sure he cannot abide waste.Your meals will be consumed, though he may have frozen the sides all in the containers you brought him. (Which means he'll have to have BIG portions for a few days.) I love the banana story. I guess we are all creatures of habit! Who doesn't like the smell of food cooking tho? (unless it's greasy fast food)

[Jennifer]

@Barb ... I agree and when my mother was busy in the kitchen I don't think Henry complained about food cooking smells! But then she was an excellent cook but then, all modesty aside, so am I, hahaha! Yes the Dutchman thing is so true. He called me yesterday to say that he had just enjoyed another meal of mine, so it sounds like he succeeded in freezing everything in the correct portions and he's making it last. My reflections are perfectly good too, hahahahaha! xoxo