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Give me a gold star
Monday, February 28, 2022 at 02:44PM 
Like the Velveteen Rabbit, at last I am real
I paid a visit to the DEE EM VEE last week.
It was time for my driver's license to be renewed.
The last time I showed up in person for that was more than fifteen years ago.
In the interim, I had renewed it by mail.
Ergo, my picture was fifteen years old.
Anyway, I had anxiety about going there and I kept putting it off.
In the end I decided that I wanted my license to have been issued on 02/22/2022.
Because that's cool.
And I'll have to renew it yet again on 02/22/2030, if God gives me that many more years.
I will say that at that time, I will not be able to read the third line of numbers.
I could barely read it this time! Although I have zero problems with seeing to drive during the day.
And unless it is unavoidable (unlikely and ever so rarely), I no longer drive at night.
I'm not sure if you've heard, but a regular driver's license is soon to be deemed not good enough if you wish to avail yourself of certain commonly engaged-in activities.
Says our government -- who we KNOW are only here to help. Pardon me while I smirk.
As in, according to the Department of Homeland Security's web site: On May 3, 2023, U.S. travelers must be REAL EYE DEE compliant to board domestic flights and access certain federal facilities.
(So does that mean that the form of identification you have been using since you were first licensed to drive, which was perfectly acceptable wherever such cards were required to be produced, was not in fact real?)
(And does anyone besides me think that this new requirement constitutes egregious quasi-totalitarian overreach? Anyone? Bueller?)
I am endorsed by Governor Henry McMaster
At any rate, if you aspire to be Tiffany Takeoff or Aaron Plane after the designated date, using DHS's interactive tool, you can find out if you'll be REAL EYE DEE Ready.
Oh, I was REAL EYE DEE Ready all right, thanks to having downloaded the South Carolina Department of Motor Vehicles form that told me everything I would need to take with me. Plus, TG helped me figure out what it said.
It was a happy thing that, in addition to my existing driver's license, I was able to put my hands on my birth certificate, my marriage license, my Voter Registration card, my Social Security card, recent mail from the SSA corroborating my current address, a baby picture, my newborn footprint, my first grade report card, my baptism certificate, my church membership letter, my library card, my high school yearbook, my college diploma, my Johnny Depp Fan Club card, my AAA Plus card, my Kroger Plus card, my CVS ExtraCare card, my TJ Maxx credit card, my hip replacement X-ray card, my lucky rabbit's foot, my Professional Pirate Particulars card, et cetera.
Because I was carded needed all of those things, plus twenty-five dollars.
(Don't forget to remember at this point that I am given to hyperbole solely for the purpose of stringing you along keeping things interesting.)
(However, I do admit to more than a modicum of curiosity as I collected all of these various forms of proving who I am, as to how certain folks circulating in our society -- you know, the ones against whom we are committing an unspeakable crime of disinclusivity by expecting them to identify themselves and confirm their residence when they show up at the voting booth -- WILL come up with what they need to get a REAL EYE DEE by May 3, 2023.)
(I mean, for example, isn't that R A C I S T? And what if your birth certificate is in a language that no one at the DEE EM VEE can read? What then? Will it be Green Card or Temporary- or Work-Visa time, which forms of ID will suffice in lieu of all the forms of ID and proof of name and place of birth and residence that we mere American citizens must produce? And what if you have neither/none of those, because you're here illegally? Maybe a piece of mail containing your Section Eight address, together with your EE BEE TEE and SNAP cards, will do the trick?)
I guess the answers of those burning questions are written in some book somewhere, but swine will do swan dives before you and I are allowed to peruse its pages.
But if I correctly interpret the information available to me, such people wlll not be able to board an airplane or enter a federal building or gain access to a United States military installation without the REAL EYE DEE.
So they'd better get cracking, if they want to avoid long lines.
At any rate, TG and I are covered. He got his gold star REAL EYE DEE two years ago.
When I showed up at the DEE EM VEE, the level of parking lot population showed that it was only medium crowded.
I first had to go to a window where I was given a number and some papers, and asked to reveal why I was there. Behind the glass was an unsmiling person of the male persuasion, perhaps thirty years of age.
When the words REAL EYE DEE came out of my mouth, the jaded young man sat back wearily and said: Do you have your birth certificate?
Aww bless his heart, I thought. He hears no a lot.
Issued on 02/22/2022
Yes, I responded. I did not say, I'm one of the sharper ones. I did however reiterate: I have everything you could possibly want or need, and then some. Do you want to see it?
No, he said. Next!
Then I was directed to grab a clipboard and sit down and fill out the papers.
It wasn't long before my number was called: Now serving number C327. Please report to Window Number Thirteen.
The lady at Window Number Thirteen was neither frosty nor warm; she was just as polite (loose interpretation of that word) as she was required to be, and not one iota of a degree more inviting.
(However, I'll love her forever because she let me read that third line of numbers several times, until I got them right.)
And then I paid my money and collected my boxful of irreplaceable personal memorabilia, then lugged it over to another area where they call you up so that they can take your picture.
I wasn't seated four minutes before I heard Jenny the PIRAAAATE!
Just kidding. What I heard was WEBER!!!
I jumped up and went to the counter. This lady's middle name was congenial. Hi sweetheart! she chirped. Consulting her screen, she opined that my birthdate had to be a mistake, but I assured her that I really was born on March the seventh.
We chatted about this and that, and she took three pictures of me before she liked one and pronounced it cute. You can't even tell I'm blind.
I do not recall why this subject came up, but I told her that I had not had been stopped for a traffic violation since --
Well. I was loath to say when it had last been, lest I jinx it, so I just said, Let's put it this way: it was not in this century.
Way to go, the super-nice DEE EM VEE picture-taker affirmed. And you're smart not to say any more than that.
We had an accord. And then, Bob's your uncle, I had my REAL EYE DEE.
Good to go, as it were.
So I did, and as I drove away I was thanking God profusely for how easy it had all been, and for the fact that I had my REAL EYE DEE in time to brandish it at the gate of Vance Air Force Base the following week, and that the onerous chore was behind me.
I won't be needing this to board a domestic flight ... I don't fly
Then, as I was taking a slight right branch-off type turn, an SUV coming towards me was frantically flashing its brights.
Whaaaaaa? I thought, and then I saw it: a police car sitting fifty yards (and closing) ahead on the shoulder, facing me.
I was not speeding in the least but you'd better believe I checked to make sure, because I had just ten minutes before bragged about not having been stopped since the latter part of the twentieth century.
And as much as I would have liked to wave my brand spanking new REAL EYE DEE under the officer's nose, I was glad to defer that experience to another day.
It was a moot point: the police car didn't budge and I steered the Cadillac to our new Hobby Lobby and then on back to the house, hitting nothing and thanking my lucky gold stars every inch of the way.
And that is all for now.
=0=0=0=
Happy Monday :: Happy March
Reader Comments (18)
A Gold Star Pirate you are! Oh yes, I remember that I did not bring all my childhood memorabilia when I went to apply for my passport long ago. I thought I had read all the requirements, but it seems some where not on the list.. so back home I had to go.
And then we had to get our son his passport, and you will not believe, they did not find his birth certificate to be valid. MERCY ME! We had to do all kinds of running around, because here he was 12 years old and somehow his birth certificate was not valid. And it was the mistake of not spelling our last name correctly, TePaske.
LOVED your story.. DEE EM VEE... I am still laughing.
Got mine, right as the world was going *nut-so*, in March 2019. Never realizing that I'd probably never again walk into an *Official* building, without a mask (under my nose, so I can breathe!!!).
I betcha' you did not have to wear one, hu? No!!! Do not tell me!!! I can't stand it, to know that people in red states, live life, as it was. Where as I, rooted in the horrible state of New York, "have" to wear a mask (under my nose so I can breathe!!!) in silly "Official" buildings, like the Library for Pete's sake.
Annnnnd, how come you have the only license in the country, with a lovely picture on it?????? Hu? Hu? Hu? Hu? Hu? Pout! Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!
And as to those unmentionable people........ And their voting rights.......... Please fill in the blanks, of what I would like to say......
Gentle hugs đź’›
Mari-Nanci
P.S. It's still not fair, that you have a lovely pic on your license. -Grumble-grumble-grumble-
You got your real eye dee, I haven't done that yet. The government insists on all that proof so we can prove who we are when boarding a plane, and we definitely need to show valid photo eye dee to vote. Voting is so important that we need to make sure only citizens vote and only vote once, which showing eye dee will help do. Oh, and no more dead people voting please.
@Carla ... UGH what an awful experience! His birth certificate was not valid??? How awful to have that stressor added to what you were already dealing with at the prospect of travel. I must admit though, that for a long time I thought your name was spelled TePeske. I remember being startled when I realized my error! Yes things were hopping down at the ESS CEE DEE EM VEE!!! Haaahahaha xoxo
@Mari-Nanci ... GIRL NO I did not wear a mask! Haahaha there has never been a mask mandate in South Carolina, thanks to our wonderful Governor Henry Dargan McMaster. Of course various counties had them, but I never wore one anywhere except to get into the hospital when Rhett was born, and to get into the hospital when my mother was dying. And I have not been to the library in over two years, because no way was I going to wear one in there! However, we have been dreading having to wear one at Vance AFB for Andrew's wing ceremony this Friday. BUT early this afternoon they lifted that mandate and we will not have to wear them after all. I would only have done that for my son! Now, are you saying that in your state, there is no picture on the driver's license? Because I don't know how you could have a picture of yourself that is not a pretty one. xoxo
@Terra ... So are you saying that you have to have your birth certificate in order to board an airplane in the US, now? I did not know that! Of course I don't fly, so I wouldn't! At any rate I always hand the polling officials my photo ID and my Voter Registration card when I go to vote. I'm not sure if they need both, but they take them, and I do believe that you must show a photo ID to vote in South Carolina. I sure hope so! Yes, the dearly departed need to step off the voting scene! They had their turn, haaha! xoxo
Yes Ma'am! I was reading along thinking how absolutely ridiculous it is that all these things are needed for your Drivers License, but not for voting - and of course you went there and you agree. I swear, there is no common sense left in the world.
I need to get me a real eye dee yet! I don't look forward to it because of not only the hassle, but I think they fine those workers if they're nice. Here in Michigan, they are all frosty!
And then there's the fact that my photo will not look nearly as cute as yours. :)
@Mari ... haahaha you made me laugh with that crack about the workers getting fined if they're nice. I got off really easy, all things considered! I wasn't even there 45 minutes! I think it's because I took along that lucky rabbit's foot, haaha! xoxo
YIKEs, what a story! Who'd have thought that such a boring chore would be so interesting and amusing?? I did not know about the real I.D.! And I have to say this is the best license photo I have ever seen!!
LOL, Jenny, your sense of humor! I am envious of your picture! Here in Arizona (and pretty much every other state where I have gotten a license) they don't want you to smile and they only take one picture so you better be ready and have your eyes opened or you're stuck with that photo until time for renewal. Here in Arizona if you are young, your license is good for a million years (seriously I think my son's license expires sometime in 2050 or beyond). Just every 12 years you have to go in for an updated picture. Us older folks get a slightly shorter license and after the age of 65 then you get the eye test. But I'm thinking moving to South Carolina might be nice to get a smiley picture and a godl star :) Actually we can get a gold star one here but I haven't gotten around to getting it done yet though probably this year since my license expires this year.
I love going to the DMV. Well I did before Covid. Not sure how much has changed. I love people watching and you can people watch there!
I think it is neat that you wanted the license issued 02/22/2022 :)
betty
@Ginny ... Yeah I think I hit the jackpot with the photo-taking lady! She wanted me to look good, haaaha! xoxo
@betty ... I'm turning 65 in a week and so I think I'm pretty lucky that I got to smile in my license photo. I didn't know that in some states you weren't allowed to smile! That would be ghastly for me because I look so mean when I'm straight-faced, haaha! Must be the pirate in me. And there is so much to smile about in South Carolina, hahaha! That is so interesting that you love going to the DMV! I do love people watching, though. I'm with you there! xoxo Love to Winslow
32 years ago when I went to the DMV in Florida to change my name after getting married I found out my license had been suspended months prior and they confiscated it because I did not have car insurance on x date. I knew that was not correct because we always had insurance. Luckily my husband was with me and they let me go home and get the paperwork showing that I was indeed insured during that time frame and gave me a new license. Ever since, I am paranoid renewing my license.
Your picture is awesome!! Mine looks like a mug shot. It's one and done here.
Enjoy your trip!! Can't wait to hear all about it.
Our state was requiring the Real ID by Fall of 2020, before the pandemic stopped it dead in its tracks, so I got mine in 2019. Our photos became black and white for new ID’s and I have to say, it’s my best one ever! I was annoyed that my passport wasn’t enough and I felt bad for all the people I saw get turned away because they didn’t have the proper paperwork. One older lady was almost in tears because all the utilities and bank accounts were in her husband’s name. I was thinking, honey you better do something about that before he dies, because good luck after that!
Did you do the Real ID to be able to go to an AF Base? Because I know you don’t plan on flying again!
@Lori ... Oh my word I can't believe they put you through that! How awful. I'd be livid if my photo ID looked like a mug shot, haaha! Mine looks the way I normally look because I am smiley for the most part unless you cross swords with me, haha! I will for sure share details of the trip! xoxo
@Bijoux ... Oh I'm so glad you have a good picture on your license! Black and white? That is interesting! Yes the people getting turned away is sad, when they've come all the way down to the DMV, and you know that almost everyone dreads going. And you are right about getting stuff in both names before it is too late. My late mother-in-law when she became a widow had not changed the ownership of her house into her name only, and we had to wait for it to go through probate before we could do anything with it. Luckily it stayed in the family. As far as I know we don't need the RID at this time to get on the base because I think federal facilities are going by the 5/3/23 deadline, but I got it because my license had to be renewed by March 7 and I didn't see any reason not to get the souped-up version, haaaha! xoxo
You're such a beauty! Love the photo!!
We voted Mar 2...I opened the door to the building only to have my way blocked by...a guy? Gal? I still don't know and neither does Larry!
She/he stated emphatically that we were to not only silence our cell phones, but we had to turn them completely off...saying this 8 inches from my face...in a more than firm voice, masked. Well, I told her it had been silenced but it wasn't going to be completely shut off...how nonsensical...and we proceeded to the sign in table. She/he said nothing as I pushed passed her/him while pulling on Larry's sleeve indicating we were moving forward... while giving, she/he, the stink eye!
I tend to get annoyed when idiots decide to try to intimidate others!
SO... I'm happy you were able to get your license renewed so swiftly! I dread having to appear physically at our DMV...in two more years.
Have a sweet day girlfriend! Keep up the good fight!
hughugs
Donna
@Donna ... first, thank you for the compliment ... and WOW what a turkey you ran into! Good for you, refusing to turn off your phone. SEZ WHO??? Haaaahahaha xoxo
Jenny, I'm late visiting though I've been thinking about you. I hope the ceremony was special and you had a good visit. Also, Happy Belated Birthday - 65 - NO WAY! I have no idea what you're talking about a real ID! I renewed my license last year on-line. I have kept the same photo (awful) for what seems like 15 years. Whenever I have to take my glasses off for a photo, I'm uncomfortable because I can't see, so I look like someone who's definitely guilty and having a mug shot done. For some reason, Bob looked closely at his license a few weeks ago and realized he was supposed to renew in November when he had his 77th birthday. OOPs! He immediately did it on line and thank goodness it only took 2 weeks to come in the mail. Even though he'd driven illegally since November, I was paranoid that he would get stopped. I must look up real ID - not sure if we have them or not! Also, Colorado has the infamous mail-in ballots so I'm sure people vote who aren't legal.
@Barb ... oh yes, in Colorado as in everywhere else that has mail-in ballots (not the same as absentee ballot which is for special circumstances), people are voting illegally. And the REAL ID thing is federal, not state, so you will definitely need one by May of next year if you want to enter a federal building, or fly domestically. I have no intention of doing either but I guess I thought, why not have a whooptie-doo driver's license, if I CAN? Haaahaha ... also you never know when I may need to go on a military base and set them all straight as only a pirate can. And wow, I'm glad Bob took a moment and looked at his license and got on the right side of the law! Haaaaha! Love you both xoxo
It’s important to have that id to vote. Otherwise, like Mark Meadows, people could register in 2 states to vote.
@Sue McMillen ... I don't know what Mark Meadows did, since I wasn't there, but I do know that in many states -- mostly blue ones -- it has been proven that lots of people (even dead ones) do vote more than once. I am one hundred percent in favor of people having to show a valid photo ID to vote in person in any election in the United States, or to obtain an absentee ballot. No honest person would advocate for anything else.